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GQ Somehow Considers Cornell To Be Douchiest College?

Apparently they think that the entire campus is filled with little Andy Bernards, when it's pretty obvious that only three-quarters five-sixths of the student body is in an a capella group. So there!

The Douchiest Colleges in America: 2011 Edition: Humor: GQ:

If You Could Read the Thought Bubble Over Campus: You know what I'm sick of hearing? That Cornell isn't really Ivy League! What the fuck! I paid my $160K! Don't treat me like I went to the University of Michigan. Honestly, is it because no presidents went here? Well, choke on this, you pretentious eating-club ass wipes: Janet Reno! Paul Wolfowitz! Alan mutha-fuzzin' Keyes (transferred to Harvard, '70)! Is it because all anyone ever talks about is how people go to Cornell and then kill themselves? It's a myth! Check the numbers! Or maybe you can't because you weren't required to take any math classes at Brown! Is it because there's a part of the school that's actually a state school, where you can get three faux Ivy League credits for taking Maple Syrup Production and Beekeeping? I didn't attend the Ag School! I took courses from famous professors just like all you non-student-loan-owing ass hats at Yale and Harvard who keep telling me you'll keep my internship application "on file." You know what? Keep the Penn guy's application on file! Like he went to an Ivy League school. Oh, okay, make the hotel joke. Right, I got my degree from Cornell, and now I'm a bellhop. Hahahahaha! That's hilarious. I haven't heard that before. Fuck you, Columbia. Your football team sucks. Go Big Red! (Is it because our mascot is a "Big Red"?)

Obviously they've never been to Duke. But clearly they know some of us are insecure. Or something.


Matthew Nagowski | Posted on July 20, 2011 (#)

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